In the states.....

So I am back in the states and really liked being back home. No one stared at my hips as if they dont understand why they are so curvy (sidebar- I live in Thailand- they dont have hips there).

I am doing work and staying busy but I'm stressed and therefore am not eating. Normally when Im stressed i want to curl up in a place where I feel safe and EAT!

Not this time. The idea of eating makes me feel more sick. Honestly I ate breakfast and then did not try to eat again until 2pm. When I tried to take a bite of the apple I felt nauseous. I ended up throwing the apple in the trash. It is now 6:30 and if I didn't eat again today it wouldn't bother me at all.

So this is the place in am in for now. The good thing is that all of this non eating should really be good for my weight loss lol.

Sidebar 2- Have you ever wanted something that was just out of your reach? It would be something you definatly deserve but just on a shelf too high for you to reach(ok not a cookie...I'm being serious). Did you have the courage to just leave it on the shelf and walk away (one of the hardest things I had to do but did this week). Or shared your real self with someone (the things you cant even tell your momma or best friend) only to wish you hadnt done it? Have you ever gotten everything you thought you wanted only to just want to give it all back and start over? I am in that place lately. I pushed so hard for my job, career, and family. Outiside of my daughters I would be happy just to go back to Maryland where I was 2 years ago. I wish I could feel rage. Rage would give me energy to workout. lol. Plus who should I be pissed at? Myself! I made all the decisions that have me in this shitty place (exc my french). I'm just sad and numb. That makes me want to just go for a long walk by myself and figure out how to dig myself out of this low point. I miss my dog. She would lick my face and bark (her way of telling me everything will be ok). Do you guys ever feel like this?